


Sometimes

by Ragman_Jack



Category: Power Rangers R.P.M.
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-03
Updated: 2012-10-03
Packaged: 2017-11-15 13:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragman_Jack/pseuds/Ragman_Jack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, things happen. Dr. K ponders her life, love, and Ziggy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes

Sometimes, the others wonder how they wound up together. Even she wonders. Still, somehow, they manage. It's what they do.

She's not the easiest person to deal with, she knows that. Her social skills had been destroyed by Alphabet Soup and she remains driven, even after its defeat, by her guilt over the creation of Venjix. He's never held it against her. Perhaps that is why she loves him.

Love. What a funny word. A word, an emotion, a science whose rules she is still discerning. Even Gemma, who had been raised in Alphabet Soup, still seems to manage it effortlessly. Then again, she was always like that. Despite her fascination with explosives, Gemma could always make friends, and she never has. Yet, she tries, and isn't that the important part? 

Sometimes, Mrs. Landsdowne brings up kids. Mr. Landsdowne died in the final battle against Venjix and the older woman assumed the job of taking care of the Garage, or rather, directing others of taking care of it. However humble she became since Summer's abortive wedding all those years ago, she still would never actually pick up a cleaning rag. Instead, she administrates and she feels that there should be kids.

Summer has kids, Gemma and Flynn are trying, Tenaya can't, and she never will. The thought of them, of her, being hauled off by another Alphabet Soup, terrifies her beyond any rational thought. He's never brought it up, perhaps understanding her fears, though she suspects that more likely, that its simply never occurred to him. Summer's kids are more then enough.

They live in the Garage, as she cannot stand to be far from her lab, and the escape routes built into it, some known only to her. The habit of escape, of never being confined ever again, is well ingrained into her.

Sometimes, she hides in her backup lab. She has to. There, she feels . . . understood. Away from humans, away from confusion and social requirements, away from everything and most importantly, completely safe. Despite worrying, he's never asked her to stop. He only kisses her cheek and welcomes her back when she comes home. She knows he fears that one day, she will go in and never come out.

Worst of all, she knows that he's right to do so, because sometimes she's almost activated the seals and locked herself in. She hasn't yet, because of love, but one day, love may no longer be enough.

Sometimes, she tries to cook for him, a wifely thing to do, or so Gemma says. It never works, despite however much she tries and she can't understand it. It's just chemistry, really, and she mastered that by age . . . well, she was a child when she did. Alphabet Soup didn't really bother with birthdays unless you were the very best. She now knows it was to keep the kids from realizing that they were grown up and getting . . . ideas, but the notion still puzzles her. Gem, and Gemma understand, but they're the only ones who do. The only ones who can.

Sometimes, she calls up a file on her computer, but doesn't open it. Scott found it in the ruins of Alphabet Soup. Inside that file is her, the girl she was before Alphabet Soup, when she had a name instead of a letter. That little girl scares her. She can't face that little girl, and so she keeps it closed. Because once she opens it, that little girl will judge her. Judge what she became in Alphabet Soup, judge her for Venjix and she cannot face it. Not yet. One day, she will have to open that file, to face the last piece of her past. But not now, not yet.

Sometimes, she dreams, of Venjix, of a woman she thinks might be her mother, of what she imagines a normal life must be. But it always comes back to Venjix and what he did, what she caused. When that happens, she wakes up screaming and he holds her until she stops, until the screams become sobs, and then until even the sobs fade away. 

Sometimes, in the dead of night, when they are alone, when they are in bed under the covers, and when the darkness inside is too much, she tells him about Alphabet Soup. About the routine, about the horrors, and once, once she told him about Assessment.

No one at Alphabet Soup liked Asessment. Even Gem and Gemma, who would cheerfully face Death itself, feared it. Nothing permanent of course, Alphabet Soup liked the children to be fit and strong, but there were stories of the ones who failed it. They would disappear, for days, weeks, or months, and come back, obedient and silent. From then on, they would work and nothing but work, and suggesting a recreation break would cause them to recoil in fear, the only emotion they ever show. They work until they collapse. Then they are never seen again.

That, more then then the desire to go outside, almost as much as the revelation that she and the others had been lied to about being allergic to the sun, is what drove her to release Venjix. The fear that one day she would fail and become one of those lost souls. That they would take the last part of her that was still hers.

Fear. Fear and responsibility. Those are the twin demons that drive her. Fear that one day she would be found out as the person who released Venjix on the world, and the responsibility that he got out because she had been too slow to install the firewall. She should have fought the soldiers harder. Should have had the firewall already installed. Should have just been better. 

Sometimes, they fight. He's a slob, almost ruthlessly disorganized, and militantly indifferent to the finer points of hygine. She favors rigid order, another mark left on her by Alphabet Soup. Her morning ritual is brisk, organized, efficent. His is not. In fact, it is anything but. At the school, her office is neat, tidy, a place of business. The same for her classroom. His is not. The dichotomy surprises and intrigues her, but sometimes, she wishes they were more alike.

Sometimes, he surprises her. The cooking, his ability to bond with students and perhaps most of all, his touch. His touch, his ability to immolate her in the fires of pure sensation remains a constant and pleasant surprise. Some of that, Gemma says, is love. Summer agrees with Gemma, and if any of them would know, it's Summer. The only one of them with anything like a normal childhood and dating experience. There is still so much she doesn't know, so much she wants to know.

Sometimes, she tells him she loves him, and she does, even if they haven't quite figured out what love is. Still, they manage somehow. It's what they do.


End file.
